Another Diagnosis

After Angel Nafis

Doctor’s Note: Patient, 37, reports she and her husband have been trying for 9 months with no success. Patient has undergone multiple tests yielding elevated FSH and Estradiol as well as low AMH, which indicate Diminished Ovarian Reserve. Patient diagnosis: infertile.

Wilted fighter
Woman spent
Womb that won't
home

Family History: Mother: Age of menopause unknown. Took 5 years to conceive. Diagnosed with ovarian cancer at 70. Grandmother: Type One Diabetes. Maternal aunt: Multiple sclerosis. Maternal aunt: Immunoglobulin deficiency. Patient: asthma, allergies, Epstein-Barr. Complains of constant fatigue.

Guilt can only
live so loud
Two fists: push
and panic
Her sentence:
live with
the body
she broke

Follicle count: 9. Ultrasound shows more eggs than indicated by bloodwork. Normal range for patient’s age. Quantity: uncorrelated. Quality: indeterminable. Viability: unknown.

We know so little
about women
's bodies.
Is there a name
for grieving
what won’t
come?
A word for not
womaning right
A body, a blame,
a blaze—

Here, her regret
burns. Here,
her soil rots.
Here, her tardy
blood.
What if
nothing
waits?

Recommendation: Without Artificial Reproductive Technology, donor eggs, possibly surrogate, patients have a 1% chance of conceiving.

Your future
might not
look like
you

Kelly Grace Thomas is a poet, writer, educator, and an ocean-obsessed Aries from Jersey. Her first full-length collection, Boat Burned, was released with YesYes Books in 2020. She is the winner of the Jane Underwood Poetry Prize and the Neil Postman Award for Metaphor. Kelly’s poems have appeared in: Adroit, Best New Poets, 32 Poems, Los Angeles Review, Muzzle, Sixth Finch, and more. Kelly has received fellowships from the Martha’s Vineyard Institute of Creative Writing and Kenyon Review Young Writers’ Workshop. Kelly is Head of Curriculum for Get Lit- Words Ignite and the co-author of Voices in Verse: Poetry, Identity and Ethnic Studies; Stanzas of America: Celebrating BIPOC Poetry; and Words Ignite: Explore, Write and Perform Classic and Spoken Word Poetry (Literary Riot). Kelly is currently a Blackburn Fellow in the Randolph College MFA program. She lives in Benicia, California with her husband, daughter, and sister.  www.kellygracethomas.com